Lady-ness

Today was one of those mornings (maybe the first ever) when it dawns on me that I am actually a grown up, professional single lady. I feel that today. It must have been the combination of slipping into my business lady brown flats, fastening the buttons on my collared shirt, twisting my un-dyed, for the first time in many years, hair into a bun at the base of my head, and slathering the almond scone I baked last night with apricot jam before walking out the door to go to a real job, where someone depends on me to be organized and get things done.

A welcomed realization I must say.

I'm getting older and along with that comes a slew of good things (outside of seeing more grey hairs on my head every day- I'll show you if you don't believe me). Something of note is the evolution of healthy relationships in my life. Slowly with time, toxic relations have been weeded out, leaving only real, positive, beneficial ones. Meaningful relationships with others that allow me to lift and be lifted. Graduating from college really weeds out people who are current but not permanent fixtures. While there is a pang of nostalgia, great memories, and of course the sense of loss that comes with missing people as they come and go, I feel a warmth for the influence or role they played, and try to focus on what they left. The people who I choose to surround myself with these days are given 100% of me, and we choose to maintain our friendships as opposed to being obligated to stay in each others lives.

Additionally, family ties have come of age. There comes a point where you respect your parents in a whole new way for what they have given. I notice all the ways that they have sacrificed and worked so hard to provide their children with everything they need and could possibly want. Though the parent/child dynamic will always be there, I am happy to consider my parents as more than just biological matches for me and am so grateful for their influence and existence in my life.
Relationships with siblings have also changed. Once bickering, contentious, or otherwise tension filled interaction with them have faded. We can now all call each other friends, and share our lives and experiences willingly with one another by choice. I am proud to call each of my brothers and my sister friends, some of the best I have.

Romantic relationships, additionally, have been a long and winding road of learning and growing. I've long been a non-committal type, fearing what a commitment might do to the independent life I had strived so hard for as a woman, raised in a conservative environment with rigid gender expectations. I realize now, largely through my experiences with my current Man-Friend, that I don't have to compromise my desires or my feminism (in many senses of that word) in order to be happily weaving a life so closely with another person.

It is amazing what you can learn about yourself through your interactions in life. I am lucky to have so many amazing people in mine.