Always riding the tides of change

Been a long while since I've posted anything, but this semester has been jam packed! It hasn't really sunk in that I don't have to register for next semester, that I won't have to juggle school and work, that I never have to write another undergrad paper, or stress over a class presentation or wonder what the hell a vegan can eat on campus that isn't Subway.

It seems like I've been living my life in semesters for years, fall, spring, summer, fall, spring, summer, so now that I'm on the cusp of graduation (barring only failure from my Spanish class) and facing the "real world", my options are limitless, which is both exhilarating and terrifying. Instead of marking the box that say "student" I now have to figure out what box I want to check and what I want my life to be like.

When I've thought about what I wanted in my life, I've never really pictured anything traditional. In my idealistic mind I'd wander from place to place helping people, doing different uplifting, positive projects, working with people to meet their needs and goals, making life better for others while fulfilling my desire to travel, experience the world, and give back in the ways that I can. I've thought about Peacecorps, looked into Americorps, researched several possibilities to volunteer abroad (most of which cost more money than I have or could earn in a timely manner), applied for some internships, and nothing seems yet to be falling in to place in that regard.

At this point, I just want to get out of here.

I know that Utah, and Utah County are not bad places to live, per se. It's beautiful here, lush mountains watchfully towering over the valleys, scorching red rock deserts within close driving distance, lakes, rivers, wildflowers. It's a safe community, comfortable, my family who I love is here, but most days I feel like I'm suffocating. Especially in such a starkly patriarchal culture, I can't help but wonder what place an eco- conscious, feministic, critical thinking, hopeful activist can have. It may be further exacerbated by the thought that pastures might be greener someplace else, since I've never really lived anywhere but here so I have no way to gauge what life might be like in another place. I'm not ruling out the possibility of "ending up" as they say, in Utah, but if that is the case, I want it to be something I have chosen, not a default setting because I never did anything else.

I've got an intense wanderlust written on my soul, and as the possibility for world exploration becomes a tangible reality, the desire is screaming to be quenched. Travel for me is such a transformative process, and as I enter what feels like a transitional phase of being, I strongly feel the need to get out and see what the world has to offer, and what I can offer in return. Since I'll be largely directionless, maybe embracing that and heading out for an adventure is just what I need to.

Big thoughts and dreams have always been a problem of mine, but I feel I've accomplished a lot of things I've wanted to, and I don't intend to stop now.

On another, lighter note, I made a skirt out of a scarf I bought for $6 and I look/feel cute today :) Gotta enjoy the little triumphs as I can!

(I also practice oral hygiene- and you now have proof)