End of the Semester Blues

It's the end of another semester, I have survived yet again. This has been, dare I say, the most trying semester of my academic career. Not necessary the most difficult from an academic standpoint, but in sheer degree of busyness- 13 credits, 2 jobs, organizing another conference, homework, learning a language- I have been going non stop. It was not without its enjoyable moments, but I'm very glad it has finally come to an end.

I have been feeling very heavy lately, very stressed and unpleasant. So- instead of expressing those feelings here, I am going to try to turn it around by writing about a few things that I have been especially appreciating in my life as of late.

In no particular order, here are a few:

-My mom: If everyone in the world had a mom as wonderful as mine, it would be a far different place. She is endlessly patient and tries to make everyone around her feel comfortable, welcome, and loved all the time. That sounds exhausting, but she rarely shows the wear. Whenever I call or go to her house, she asks a million questions about what is happening in my life- and she is genuinely interested. Since I became vegan, she had put forth a special effort to make sure that there are always things that I can eat at her house, and she accommodates my crazy dietary desires at every family meal, big or small, preparing special items for me (including desserts) and making sure that I am taken care of and included, all without complaint or expectation of some kind of return. I'm very lucky to have the family that I do, providing me with undaunted support and care.

-School: It took me many years to really commit to going to school and to put my heart into it. These past few years have been so rewarding and challenging and I have grown so much intellectually as well as personally. I have made some great friends, acquaintances, and associates through school programs and classes who have made my college experience what it has been. I have done things I never thought I would, and discovered I am capable of much more than I knew. I continue working to expand my knowledge and experience as far as it will stretch.
Although it appears that a bachelors degree is all the more lowly in a world where people with doctorate degrees are seemingly springing from the wood works, it will still be an accomplishment for me, and one that I worked hard to gain. Putting myself through school with minimal loans and full time work has been difficult and busy, but I have been lucky enough to have a job all the while- usually 2 jobs in fact- and even more lucky to have jobs that will work around my ever changing school schedule. Though the work at my current place of employment is not the kind I could see myself doing long term, the people who I work with make the environment a place that I actually look forward to going.

-Utah: Yep, that's right, I'm feeling appreciative of living in this state. Everyday as I drive home on the congested, construction filled freeway and see the winter sun setting over the lake streaming the sky with fiery oranges, yellows, and soft lavenders and pinks, I wonder if there is possibly a more beautiful place to live? Where else can you be within a few hours drive of so many different possible scenes and landscapes, each with something unique and beautiful to offer up. As much as I loathed this place in younger years, I have come to realize that it's really not so bad. It's safe, I may complain about the winter but I season changes are nice, and as mentioned- so lovely. I do have this unquenchable wanderlust and will undoubtedly find myself in many places, but I'm happy to say Utah will always be shrouded in a sense of home.

-Poetry: Lately I have been exposed to many types of poetry, both traditional and less so. I don't feel poetry is confined to words, I think that nature displays a sort of poetry that can be appreciated if one can slow down to pay attention. I'll admit that the slowing down has been hard for me as of late and I miss it. Something is reawakened in me when I have some time to contemplate, if only for a moment. I have always written, ever since I was young, but my writing has been slow going- it echos my moods. I have been making a conscious effort over the past month or so to write- JUST WRITE ANYTHING- and I feel it is picking up again. There is a direct correlation to my creative process and personal reflective contemplation time. Knowing this, I want to focus on devoting more moments to this. Seeing word poets in action is so invigorating and inspiring for me, I feel lucky to be in proximity in an academic environment to witness a few. I hope to find a few more locally.

There are of course a long list of people in my life who have offered support and companionship whom I wish I could single out individually and express a sentiment of thanks. Writing this just now, I think I actually may do that. But as far as this blog post is concerned I am incredibly lucky to have a support system of people who will listen to me rant when I'm upset, who want to share moments with me, who laugh with me and make me laugh, who will talk me down when I get irrational, who've motivated me through example, who tell me I have worth when I feel worthless, who may have felt bad when they had only a warm smile to offer but that was all I really needed, who help me want to be a better, more compassionate, and ethical person, who I in turn want to spend time with and help when they feel down, who've waited for me patiently when I get so lost, busy, or off track, who want good things for me and who I can celebrate good times together with, who have taught me more than any text book. I couldn't do any of the things I have been able to do in my life without the backup of so many. So thank you. I hope you know who you are.